anyway, i really need time with a friend alone at the park, just us two so i can vent and cry as much as i wanted to. who would that friend be? i honestly don't know.. someone who knows me well, someone i can trust someone who doesnt mind me talking about stupid ish and just someone who im comfortable around and is comfortable around me. someone who wouldnt mind listening and dealing with my bullcrap and all my crying and whining lol.. wehh if i have to sit alone at the park crying and venting to myself then yeah, i would with no doubt do that. ugh i dont know. honestly ive drifted away from my friends in highschool.. i mean i never really had friends. well dont get me wrong i did but they were friends of friends and what not. and my friends had other friends who they talked to more yehknow and me being me i wouldnt want to intrude. i was always quiet, never really talked. pretty antisocial, shy. i dont know how ive become the person i am today.. i dont know if i should be proud happy sad or whatever because part of me doesnt like who i am because i hold myself back from doing alot of things. I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.
i have my own little converstions with God when i'm alone, i know i can't hear or see him, but i know he's somewhere listening, which is why i wouldnt mind going to the park by myself and whatnot..
what the ef am i talking about? i dont know just random ish because there is so much on my mind i cant even process what im thinking thoroughly. I cant even put them into spoken words. they just end up coming out in blah blah blah's. ugh i dont even know... theres school on my mind, my family, my friends, myself, boy problems, insecurities, and much more. i dont even know. i tend to out others first before me, causing me to procrastinate, to not do the things i should be doing. i cant even go to school with my head up high... ugh what the fuhhhh... i am not making any sense.. i cant even.. if i re-read this ill probably cry.
somebody save me please..
~gooodnight~
yours truly,
rinamichelle<3