emotions.

no I'm not pmsing, I just had that sudden urge to cry again.. maybe because I miss the simplicity of how things used to be.. school wasnt so expensive and alla that like I get it I'm not complaining I'm just sayin.. I know we eventually have to become independent but the fact we pay so much for things we don't need the rest of our lives yehknow, like a simple book costs like 100 bucks for one class that you're taking for not even a year -.- i dont know... I seriously lost motivation.. I'm trying to slowly gain it back, but i dont know. in like emotional at the moment. not crying just simply feeling all types of emotions. I'm overwhelming myself with over thinking everything :/ ugh i don't even know.. relationships on the other hand, I don't know if I can handle anymore. like schools stressin me enough, I mean I'd love someone who'd be there for me and just comfort me and talk to me or just listen to me rant, like this, but like that will ever happen.. guys in college now a days are focused on school which is not a bad thing! it's good but thats not what bothers me, its just they also party alot. and the fact I don't party i dont drink nor smoke, I feel like I'm not good enough. I'm supposedly "straight edge" and I feel like now a days guys just kind of throw people like me aside.. why do express my opinion this way? well I've recently just gone through it. augh i dont know what I'm talking about! bleh.. it's just guys try to look good saying they want a keeper or someone faithful but they always seem to pass those typa girls by.. now don't get me wrong, girls are exactly the same, and for both guys and girls it's not all who are like that. I know I'm just sayin. wehh that doesn't even make sense. ugh no one to talk to. and this is what happens.. it's sucks yehknow.. I had bestfriends who I could talk to about anything.. but the sad thing was they all moved so I was left alone as we drifted apart.. no one to talk to always.. i dont know I just feel like all this was my fault.. I just want to go somewhere and just sit alone and cry.. not to be emo but just to let everything out because I have no one to talk to. gah if you could feel what I'm feeling right now you wouldn't know what to do.. I'm so lost in the seemingly simple yet complicated world.. well I have class tomorrow morning.. this is the only place I can vent like this at the moment.thanks. goodnight<3

peace&love, rinamichelle.

spring.

just thought I'd post this here. redid my nails with a new design for first day of spring quarter lulz I probably will post a closer look at it mañana. it's not perfect but ohwells. hah

hurtful words

yeah my life definitely sucks. I'm running around smiling and laughing about it but all I really want to do now is just be alone and cry.. I don't want to be strong anymore.. I'm beating myself up and then hurtful words being said to me and my own realizations are breaking me slowly but surely and I don't know if I can take it anymore. I'm like on the verge of crying right now. I'm being told that I'm very gullible.. I know i am here&there but not all the time.. I've made mistakes let me learn don't sit there and rub it in my face as if thats how you think I'm gonna learn. it sucks because the only reason im so sensitive and I guess gullible is because I've been stuck in the same place all my life, my house. I have yet to live and learn.. and yeah I try to tell myself that they're only trying to protect me but no you were only keeping me from learning.. from living. from finding myself. I dont even know who I am.. I'm so mad because I see everyone living learning laughing and I'm here doing what?! the same ish I've been doing and what good is that doing me?! I'm not a slore I'm not an alcoholic im not a smoker, what else do you want from me?! I'm smart enough to make smart choices so stop making them for me. stop judging me with others actions. im not them.. wahh I'm so pissed.. I may have alot of guy friends but that because they're easy to talk to and theyre not quick to judge, atleast the guy friends I have.. and i don't assume right off the bat that every guy that talks to me likes me. UH HELLO I'm insecure AS FUHH. what makes you think that I think this guy likes me?! im too scared to be in a damn relationship and in not trying to be in one.. im just in that whatever happens happens stage. not trying to make anything happen.. uggghhh please just leave me alone. drunk people say the worst.. it's always the truth of how that person sees or thinks of you.. and yeah it sucks because finding out that someone close to you thinks that of you.. that's cool. your lucky I'm nice.. well i dont know maybe I'll be back later.. I just needed to vent.. now I'm gonna go cry gahhdamit.. ugh my life can suck it .. :'(
goodnight.

peace&love,
rinamichelle<3